if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
