his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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