I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
