Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
