What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
