Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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