wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You may now shotgun with the bride
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize
