you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
