508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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