Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
