i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
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we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
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