ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
