Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
