He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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