he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
