it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
