do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
