i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
40s are totally the cure
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
