dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
