im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
