pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
