When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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