Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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