Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
