We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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