I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
