I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
