his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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