don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
