She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
