Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize