I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
