he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
