so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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