they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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