someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
