Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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