My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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