sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
