I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
