My sheets look like a crime scene.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
