I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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