Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
