Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
