i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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