Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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