I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
