Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
