So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
