you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
