i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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