He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
